If an Alligator Fell From the Ceiling…

I was speaking with a friend the other day about on-line dating.  There are advantages to it; more matches than I could possibly meet on my own, they are “pre-screened”, and there is a level of anonymity if things don’t work out.  It’s also very structured, stiff, and frankly boring. 

First all the profiles read the same.  It’s like one guy wrote a profile and every other guy copied and pasted it. 

  1. What are you most passionate about? Life. 
  2. Who was the most influential person in your life? My grandmother. 
  3. What three things can’t you live without? Food, beer, and air. 
  4. What’s most important to you in a potential mate? Honesty and a good sense of humor. 
  5. What can you offer a potential mate?  I’m honest and have a good sense of humor.
  6. What book did you last read?  What did you like about it? Catcher in The Rye for high school literature class.  It was short.

 Now I happen to know for a fact most guys are capable of complete sentences, do interesting things, have been influenced by good people, and do have a sense of humor.  Because people are afraid to give a wrong answer they give a safe middle of the road answer.

When I read profiles I want to hear what makes you, well you.  What makes you different from every other guy out there.  I want to know if an alligator (which I am deathly afraid of along with its cousin the crocodile) falls off the ceiling will you kill it for me?  I want to know the one food you absolutely will not eat under any circumstances (I HATE sloppy joes), I want to know why your big brother was the most influential person in your life (I don’t have a big brother and always wanted one).

The questions themselves set us potential mates up for disaster.  One site you have to answer pre-written (you get to pick from a list) multiple choice questions.

Your idea of a romantic evening is:

  1. A candlelit dinner at home
  2. Dinner and a movie
  3. Coffee at a great little cafe
  4. A walk on the beach with the cutest puppy in the world

Once again I get to find out which pre-conceived idea you think I want to hear.  Frankly, all of the above appeal to me.  As does sitting at home watching a dark comedy sharing the biggest bowl of buttered popcorn ever, going rollerblading along the water, having a picnic, taking an unplanned road trip, having you hold the yarn while I wind it into a ball, and any myriad of things.  Time spent with my honey is romantic. 

The best relationships I have ever had have been with guys I’ve met in person.  The downside is where I live (tiny town on the water where old people with money go to retire), what I do (work, knit, crochet, spin, and belly dance – activities that all center around women), where I go on vacation (home to visit my family), and finances (I simply can’t afford big groups like Events and Adventures) all limit my ability to meet a guy in person.

So, let me answer a few questions for you.

  1. What are you most passionate about? Art and creating.  I am not content without something for my hands to do.  I majored in art (much to my parent’s dismay) and would do it again.  Whether it’s drawing, sculpture, or painting; whether it’s knitting, crocheting, or designing, I simply love to do it.  And I love spending time with other creative people.  One thing I miss about college is all of the creative energy. 
  2. Who was the most influential person in your life? My grandmother, without a doubt.  She raised twin boys on her own and worked as everything from a lady’s maid to a furrier to a telephone operator.  She played a mean game of Scrabble and could do any crossword.  She loved me and showed it in so many ways.  My mom still has a box of Barbie Doll  clothing my grandma made for me.  I really admire her.  She is the first person I will greet when I get to heaven.
  3. What three things can’t you live without? Sunshine, time spent with good friends, and my faith. 
  4. What’s most important to you in a potential mate? That he will love me  like my father loves my mother.  I know, I’ve set the bar pretty high. 🙂
  5. What can you offer a potential mate?  I will make you laugh so hard your ribs will hurt and your butt will fall off.
  6. What book did you last read?  I am reading “State by State”.  It’s a collection of essays about each of the 50 states.  California was really interesting.  California was not PG.

Your idea of a romantic evening is:

  1. A candlelit dinner at home
  2. Dinner and a movie
  3. Coffee at a great little cafe
  4. A walk on the beach with the cutest puppy in the world
  5. ALL of the above, and any number of things we can do together.  Are you up for a road trip? 
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